How to end life well is one of the most challenging and uncomfortable topics to discuss, but also one of the most important to talk about. We all hope for longevity and to run the race of life fully, but when it comes to the point of death, what does it truly look like for you or your loved one to end life well? At Project 4031, our team has witnessed individuals and their families who have experienced death dramatically different. Some communicate peace with dying and able to say goodbye to their loved ones, others communicate a great deal of pain and frustration from not being able to obtain peace. For individuals who proactively work hard to achieve peace by clearly communicating goals and wishes, ending life well can be a reality. While there is no single secret sauce to ending life well and everyone’s journey is unique, there are many resources to guide you and your loved ones. An article that gives great overview and links to other helpful resources is Best 9 Hospice and End of Life Articles of 2018 It chronicles beautiful examples of how each individual’s experience is unique and intimate.
Opening one’s self to vulnerable conversations allows for more willingness and possibility to give a person dignity, peace, and hope. It ensures that every ounce of life on this earth is not taken for granted so that as their time ends, all of their goals and wishes are met. By having the conversation now, you will be much closer to reaching the goal of your own individualized care plan than you would be completely avoiding the challenging conversation. The article Preparing for a Good End of Life gives a step-by-step guide to help you prepare and go through your own unique end of life story. For example, the article suggests imagining what it would take to die in peace and work back from there as a way to better understand where to start now.
I have personally contemplated what this would look like for my loved ones. It is easier to think about myself and what I would want at the end of my life to best position my end of life well, while it would be so much harder if I was having to plan for my husband or my mom. I don’t want to think about losing my loved ones, especially the grief and coping with not having them physically with me, however, to help their journey and identify what they genuinely want is a key aspect of ending life well. It would be such a gift for my loved ones if I had my plan written out entirely for how I want to experience the end of life. This will remove the guess work during the initial shock of grief so that every moment is special and not uncomfortable. I pray that my experience will be one of love, peace, and joy. Saying our temporary goodbyes, laughing, sharing family stories, and truly living life until the very end would be an incredible gift indeed. Audrey Parker, who died from complications of metastasized stage 4 breast cancer, summarizes it beautifully by saying. “All I wanted was to have a fabulous end-of-life experience on my terms and to die in style. After all, death is natural and can be a beautiful thing if we allow it to be.”
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